Contemplation
by Zellicy
Summary: Rachel is ready for her date with Finn. She is. They're going to go out and have a wonderful time and she's going to give him her virginity. She's ready.   An out of breath Quinn Fabray on her doorstep kind of throws a wrench in her plans though.


This idea popped into my head when the spoilers for 3.05 were leaked and I wrote it with fervor when the newer spoilers for 3.05 were leaked this morning.

Finn is decidedly fun to write.

Anyway, hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.

* * *

><p>"Don't sleep with Finn."<p>

When the doorbell rang, Rachel thought it was Finn being romantic. She thought he had arrived early just so he could spend some more time with her, so she could reaffirm the feelings she had for him, so she could have no doubts about giving her virginity to her boyfriend. She had been prepared for this scenario, however unlikely, already dressed and ready for a romantic outing. With a shyness and caution she reserved only for her suitors, she answered the door.

When Quinn Fabray was doubled over, panting and sweating on her front step she almost slammed the door in the other girl's face. She didn't need this - not tonight - not on the night she was going to solidify her relationship with Finn. If she slept with him he'd follow her to New York and they'd live happily ever after - they had to.

"Don't sleep with Finn," she panted, barely able to get the words out. Rachel gave her driveway a cursory glance, hoping for someone - anyone to get her out of the shit-storm that was inevitably about to happen. It was empty.

"Did you...did you walk here?" she asked in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

"I ran," Quinn stood up straighter, leaning against the small pillar, "don't try and change the subject on me, Stubbles."

"I really don't have time for this Quinn. I know you still love Finn, but you were wrong. I'll get my happy ending. I won't get heartbroken. I'm going to give Finn my virginity tonight and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Oh my God, how many times do we have to have this conversation?" Quinn bit, clearly seething with rage. Rachel was slightly frightened. Though the other girl had gotten rid of the nose ring and the pink hair and _aggressive_ wardrobe choices, she still had an edge to her.

"Well, considering the fact that you ran all the way over here I'd say at least one more time, though I'd rather not."

Quinn rolled her eyes and let out an indignant huff, "You can't sleep with Finn."

"Why Quinn? Give me one good reason."

The blonde's demeanor shifted in that moment. It was slight but it was evident. She looked shy almost - a far cry from how she looked when she first arrived.

"He's not good enough for you Rachel."

That, Rachel wasn't expecting. She was expecting 'because I still love him and I'm not going to let you take that away from me', she was expecting 'once he realizes you're not as good as Santana he'll leave you'. She was expecting virtually everything but what Quinn threw in her face.

"Finn is a fantastic boyfriend, Quinn. He loves me, what more could I need?"

The anger was back in a flash.

"You know, manhands, I know I always tore you down, but I thought for sure you cared more about yourself than this."

"What are you -"

"You're better than him, Rachel. You're better than all of us - you're better than all of Ohio. Finn doesn't deserve you. Finn won't treat you the way you need, the way you deserve."

"Quinn, you're being ridiculous. Finn and I are in love."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe Finn is the best boyfriend material in Lima. Hell, maybe Finn is the best boyfriend material in this entire damned state, but Finn is NOT your one and only."

"Quinn -"

"I'm not finished. Your first time should be special. It should be perfect. It should be with someone who loves you for everything you are. It shouldn't be with some oaf who can't think of a single amazing thing about you besides your obvious talent. It shouldn't be with someone who only loves you when it's convenient. And it really shouldn't be with someone who can't make out for ten minutes without coming in his pants. You deserve nothing less than the absolutely perfect first time. I made that mistake and I'll be damned if I let it happen to you too."

Rachel was furious. She wasn't sure if it was because Quinn was, once again, trying to rip any chance of a future with Finn out from under her, or because everything Quinn said was so earnest and pained and utterly true that she almost believed her. She had made up her mind about Finn when they were making out and she asked him if he'd always love her. He said yes and she allowed him to reach under her shirt for the first time. She didn't have second thoughts about this before Quinn showed up on her doorstep.

"Why do you care, Quinn?" Rachel spat, almost stunned at the tone she delivered it in.

Apparently Quinn was a little stunned too because her eyes widened and she mumbled incoherently.

"I didn't hear that Quinn. I think I 'deserve' at least that," Rachel even threw up air quotes.

"I said, 'I care about you," it was hushed, barely over a whisper and the words were rushed, but it was clear enough to hear.

"Don't lie to me Quinn. Don't say these things and then lie to my face when I turn this on you."

"I'm being honest! For once in your life, listen to someone else. Finn doesn't love you like he should, he doesn't love you like you deserve, he doesn't love you like I -" Quinn froze, eyes widening. She looked terrified, but took a deep breath and lowered her eyes to the ground, "He doesn't love you like I do."

Rachel opened her mouth to say something - to say anything. No sound came out.

"He doesn't love you like the way you should be loved. He doesn't look at you and see a future EGOT winning Actress, he looks at you like a girl he wants to sleep with. He doesn't see you as someone Barbra Streisand will want to collect memorabilia of, he sees you as a girl who's really good at singing. He doesn't see your ambition as the most endearing and adorable thing on the planet, he sees you as kind of controlling and annoying. Finn sees your veganism as a hinderance, not a testament to how absolutely caring you are - how deeply you love every living thing on Earth. Finn doesn't listen to you when you talk, he doesn't hang on every single word that leaves your mouth - even if it's a rant about how the solo will be perfect for you, which it always is, or how Funny Girl changed your life when you saw it at 3 weeks old. He doesn't see you how I do. And maybe that's my fault. Maybe I love you too much - maybe it's unhealthy how I can't find a single flaw in you - not even when I try for hours, sobbing because you're a girl and so am I and if my Mom ever found out I'd have nothing. Maybe I'm the one living in the warped fantasy - but I don't care. You can't throw yourself away like this. You can't give yourself to someone who won't cherish you like I do..."

Quinn was crying. Her words were coming out strained. She was pleading. Based on tone alone Rachel would expect the blonde to be on her knees clutching at the hem of Rachel's skirt - but she wasn't. She was standing firm, hands clenched in fists at her side, tears rolling down her cheeks, not daring to hide them or wipe them.

"I know I've been bad to you - I've treated you absolutely horribly. And I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was just - I had to push you away Rachel. I had to make you hate me - make you stay away from me because every time you're within five feet of me it's almost impossible to control myself. God. Every time I look in your eyes I just want to - I just need to..." Quinn stepped toward Rachel who was too stunned, to utterly thrown off to do anything but just stare into space gaping. She faintly registered some movement in her field of vision but she couldn't comprehend anything. In fact, she was probably lucky she was conscious and breathing.

Rachel felt something warm and soft in her hand. She felt it shake as it tried to grasp her hand tighter. She felt a warm brush of air on her face. She was overtaken by the faint smell of lavender, vanilla and something else - something undefinable but not at all unpleasant. She felt something soft stroke her cheek before cupping it gently. She felt the goosebumps erupt on her entire body and the shiver shoot down her spine. She heard the faint whisper of "I love you so much", but nothing registered, nothing sunk in until she felt the softest and most perfectly fitted pair of lips capture hers in the most gentle, tender, and shy way she had ever experienced. The lips tethered to hers made her feel like an anchor - made her feel like the only thing on earth keeping the other pair in existence. They made her feel so loved, so respected, so wholly appreciated that she felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She wanted so bad to be that anchor, to reel them permanently into reality, but she couldn't. Her brain wasn't complying with her hearts wishes.

The slam of a car door broke the tether and it felt like a high tension wire snapping, fraying beyond repair.

"What the hell?"

Rachel felt her heart completely stop. Her mind caught up with what had just happened. Quinn Fabray. Former Cheerio captain, turned pregnant teen, turned cheerio captain, turned skank, turned she didn't even know what; had come up to her door, declared her love, and kissed her.

"Oh God."

"Quinn, what the hell are you doing here? Rachel, what the - what was that?"

"Finn -" Rachel tried, looking to him for the first time. He was furious, dressed nicely for their date - wearing a tie and everything. He looked so handsome - he looked so angry.

"Were you two - did you just kiss?"

Rachel tried to look to Quinn for help but the girl's expression was blank. Had she looked a second earlier she would have seen the deepest elation she'd ever seen in another person, but now there was nothing. Quinn was devoid of emotion and utterly unhelpful.

"I know this looks bad, Finn but just hear me out."

"NO, you two are always doing this. You're always trying to ruin my life. Quinn cheated on me with Puck, YOU cheated on me with Puck. What did I do to deserve this? Why does this always happen to me?" he looked as if he was on the verge of tears himself and Rachel felt her heart sink. She loved Finn, she really did. She didn't want to see him in pain. She needed to fix this.

"Oh my God, not everything is about you Finnessa." Quinn positively yelled. Rachel flinched at her tone, it was harsher than anything she had ever heard from the blonde. One look at Finn and it was clear he was thrown off, "I came here to convince Rachel not to sleep with you."

"You haven't taken enough from me already, you need to take the one thing that makes me feel good about myself too?"

"This is why you don't deserve her! You think everything is about you! You only love Rachel because she makes you feel better about yourself, not because you actually care about her. You're so selfish, Finn"

"You can't say anything about being selfish. You threw away your baby because you were afraid it would ruin your reputation. You cheat on everyone all the time. You don't care about anyone but yourself, Quinn."

Quinn stumbled - she actually physically stumbled when Finn spat that at her. She had no reply. She felt Finn was right, she felt so completely disgusted with herself. She had been selfish in going there - thinking she could stop Rachel from doing what she wanted just in the off chance that her feelings were returned. Quinn never hated herself more than she did in that moment. She felt the breakdown coming, but she wouldn't give Finn the satisfaction of seeing that. She would walk back to her house and weep four hours, but Finn wouldn't see it. Quinn turned to leave when she heard a smack echo through the cul-de-sac.

Quinn whipped around to see Finn clutching his cheek in shock and Rachel Berry lowering her hand, a look of shock and slight pain etched on her face, "don't ever talk to her that way again, Finn."

"What? Rachel, don't you see what's happening? She's trying to convince you I'm a bad boyfriend so she can steal me back. She hates you Rachel, she's trying to ruin your life again so she can feel better about herself."

Rachel faltered for a second, considering the idea, but one look in Quinn's direction was all she needed to know Finn was dead wrong.

"I don't hate her Finn. I could never hate her. I love her."

"I... I can't believe this," he paused, "You said you loved me! You kissed me! You tried to have a baby with me!"

"I was trying to convince myself I wasn't gay, and I got pregnant. You're a good guy, Finn. You're going to find someone who loves you and you're going to take care of them and have a family with them, but that someone is not Rachel! She deserves so much more than you."

"Oh, like you can give that to her? She's not even gay, Quinn. She loves me and that's enough for her."

"I hope so, because God knows you won't be able to satisfy her."

"Get out of my face! Get out of my - get out of my life Quinn! All you do is ruin everything! Rachel loves me and she's going to give me her virginity and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Finn, I'm not sure..." Rachel managed to get out.

The tall boy glared at his girlfriend, "How could you do this to me? You promised me we would have sex! You can't just change your mind!"

"Finn, it's my body and ultimately my choice," she said flatly, managing to stay calm while Quinn was absolutely on edge.

"But I'm your boyfriend!"

"And that's exactly why you should respect my decision to wait."

"I've waited 5 months Rachel, you don't understand how hard it is to be the only guy in school not getting any! You promised me we were going to have sex tonight! I even sat through your stupid powerpoint about why I needed a condom even though Puck said it totally feels better without."

"Finn, we're not having sex tonight. I'm sorry, but I really need to think about this."

"How could you do this to me?"

"Finn, I'm sorry, but I need to be absolutely certain this is right. I need to know I'm ready for this."

"You know what? I'm done with you. I'm done with both of you!" Rachel was actually frightened for her safety. She had seen Finn explode before, but not like this. He was angrier than when he found out about Beth. He took one more menacing glance at the two girls before kicking the lawn chair and storming back to his car, "I'm going to get a new girlfriend. Like Santana. At least she puts out!"

Quinn had enough, "For fucks sake Finn, she's a lesbian!"

"No, she's hispanic. Fuck you Quinn! I'm done." he yelled slamming his car door and driving off.

Quinn looked over to Rachel. The girl looked so confused, so unsure of herself - something Quinn never thought she'd see on Rachel. She took a step towards the brunette and reached out to comfort her.

"Don't."

"I - I'm sorry."

"Just leave Quinn, I need to think about this. I need to think about everything."

"I'm not asking you to be with me. I'm just asking you to be happy. I can't promise I'd make you happy, but I know I'd try harder than he ever would," Quinn looked into Rachel's eyes again, but the girl turned away. Quinn took that as her cue to leave and so she turned and started walking back toward her house.

Two months later Rachel lost her virginity. It was perfect. She had never felt more cherished, more loved, more perfect in her entire life. As Rachel came down from her first of many orgasms that night, with Quinn peppering kisses all over her jaw she was glad she waited. And when Rachel took Quinn later that evening she saw what true love looked like; It looked like her reflection in Quinn's eyes as she gasped Rachel's name.


End file.
